Bill Simmons wants to see Will Smith start making out with guys or something

I always pegged Bill Simmons as a Hollywood pussy. But this pretty much confirms it. I mean what red-blooded American male wants to see Will Smith suck face with another guy?

Please!

Okay so Simmons has up one of his templated 10,000 word columns at Grantland (named after a famous sports writer no one has ever heard of) where he mixes Hollywood in with sports. In a way too serious manner. Yawn if you’ve heard this before.

If you don’t have two hours to read it, here is Simmons’ thesis: Will Smith’s career was way too formulated and too conservative. Basically Smith could have been a great actor (not just a money making fucking machine) if took some chances on gay indie roles.

And Simmons points back to a film called Six Degrees of Separation – where Smith played a gay con man – to make his point.

I keep coming back to Six Degrees of Separation, the biggest gamble he ever made, when everyone doubted that the “Fresh Prince” could pull off a gay con artist in an indie movie. He pulled it off. Within that movie, Smith hits a couple of places that he hasn’t hit since: It’s a really good performance, a little like Leo in This Boy’s Life (same year, by the way) in that you left the theater feeling like you just watched the seeds planted for a meaningful movie career.

But Simmons seems totally despondent that Smith didn’t “kiss another dude.” Under the guise of art of course. (wink wink)

Of course, there was a moment in the script when Smith’s character had to kiss Anthony Michael Hall’s character, only Smith refused. They edited the movie so that, as Smith leans in for the “kiss,” we’re seeing him from behind and hear a smooch … only it never actually happened. Even at 25 years old, Will Smith was thinking ahead. He didn’t want to film a scene that could be thrown back in his face later. Or, he was afraid to kiss a dude. Or, he knew he couldn’t play anyone other than himself — as the past two decades have pretty much backed up — so kissing another man in a movie was impossible because he’s Will Smith and Will Smith doesn’t kiss guys. It’s a totally unauthentic moment in a performance that, otherwise, was totally authentic.

If you think Pursuit of Happyness or Ali is Will Smith’s defining performance, you would be wrong. It’s Six Degrees of Separation. Everything is on display: his once-in-a-generation charisma, his acting chops, his sense of humor, his sense of the moment … and, most of all, his self-awareness. He made Six Degrees to prove he wasn’t just a rapper-turned-sitcom-star, that he could actually act, that he cared about his craft. You know, as long as he didn’t have to kiss another dude. It was a chance, but a calculated one. He never took another one. Now he’s our one and only movie star, according to William Goldman. There’s a lesson here.

There you have it. Bill Simmons wants to see Will Smith make out with “dudes.”  Which I guess would make him a real actor or something.

That was fast… Michael Ryder signs with Dallas Stars

So much for Chiarelli’s idea yesterday.

“We certainly haven’t parted ways [with Ryder],” Chiarelli said. “I’m weary of the market as it stands now so I said, ‘Look guys, go out there and see what’s going on and we’ll continue to talk.’

Ryder basically went out there and found out “what’s going on.” To tune of $7 million over two years. From the Dallas Stars. Thank you very much.

Now I would have assumed $3.5 million per (a cut from $5 mil) is what the Bruins were thinking with Ryder. Maybe a bit lower. But they obviously didn’t sign him before he hit the market. So it’s a moot fucking point.

Ryder leaves with a solid (albeit under-performing for his salary) 63 goals in 3 years with the Bruins. Along with a, oh, Stanley fucking Cup!

And he’ll always be remembered for the glove save he made in Game 5 against Montreal (with score 0-0) in Round one.

Holy jumpin’!

Nicole Eggert is pregnant… and absolutely huge

October 2009
June 2011

Wait. What the fuck happened? How did a toned 38 year old hot milf (top) turn into Fred Flintstone’s sister (bottom) in less than 2 years?

And yes. I know she’s pregnant. Duh! But what’s she having twin dinosaurs?

What a shame. At the tender age of 39 no less. I mean those are prime milf years.

This may go down as the ultimate slide… of all time.

Movie critics rip Fox replacement in Transformer flick… for her acting skills!

The Daily Mail may have fired the first warning shot over the new actress. Baz Bamigboye gave the movie three out of five stars and pleaded: “Come back Megan Fox, all is forgiven.” The critic does note the movie is “technically sublime” even if the human supermodel “can’t act.”

Newsflash. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was there to play the slot of the hot chick in an action movie. Just like Megan Fox before her. Nothing more. Trust me, she wasn’t there to win any fucking acting awards!

You want acting? Go watch some boring indie flick or something. This is a blow shit up and watch the hot chick sweat (and run) movie. Now move on.

Quote of the Day: Blagojevich

The former Democrat Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich, was convicted on 17 of 20 counts on corruption charges. Mostly for trying to sell his good friend Barrack Obama’s old U.S. Senate seat.

And what does Blago say to his lawyer after the verdicts were read?

Ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich turned to defense attorney Sheldon Sorosky and asked “What happened?” after he was found guilty of 17 of 20 charges in his corruption retrial.

Like being knocked out cold. And then waking up. ‘What, what the fuck just happened?’

Personally I like Blago. He’s old school ward boss corrupt. Those were real Democrat men. Not the pussy commie types that have taken over the party.