Bruins’ Playoff Beards ‘Played into a Gay Stereotype’ or Something

This, according to one Wesley Morris writing in (Bill Simmons’ big-money bomb). I mean this is the stuff that drives me absolutely insane.

Really. Who watches the Bruins and comes up with this shit? Not real men. I can guarantee you that. I’m concerned about Horton’s concussion and the power play efficiency. Meanwhile, Wesley is playing six degrees of gay fucking bikerville.

They wore the hair of work, force, and power, of Vikings and Visigoths. The beards also played into a powerful gay stereotype that wasn’t lost on anyone who knows the first thing about sexual coding, even if it hadn’t occurred to Bruins themselves.

These dudes were bears.

Stereotypically, a bear is stocky. He’s husky, rotund, or just fat. He’s into flannel and leather and younger men who he calls cubs. This dude is a bear. That is not the literal thing about the Bruins’ beards. Bears tend not to be all, “I’m a bear, yo.” The literal thing is that the Bruins literally looked like bears. The padding of the uniforms provided those extra plies of huskiness and, in Tim Thomas’ case, of squatness.

The excerpt is rather puke-worthy, no? Morris sure seems to be fantasizing about Thomas’ “huskiness” and “squatness.”Thank God Thomas didn’t have a flannel on or Wesley would have creamed right there.

But remember, this qualifies as art to the (self) important people. Probably gonna win a Pulitzer or something.


Quote of the Day

Karma is wonderful thing. The ugly fuck known as Perez Hilton tries mocking the looks of Fergie and MFP’s icon Jenn Coolidge in a ‘Quote of the Day’ blog post. And in the comments we find the winning Quote For All Time.

Scottyk_9: Can you please stop imitating the fat loser who runs this site’s taglines such as “shiteous” and “tittays” because it makes me sick. This fat, no talent, acne covered, flaming homosexual, cuban immigrant, cry baby little bitch is a loser, whereas fergie has skills and does good things for charity unlike this idiot whose only charity work is for gays. If gays don’t like the way they are treated then don’t be gay.

You hear that? If you can’t take the heat, then stop being gay! Too fucking funny. Okay even a neanderthal like me has watched enough Oprah to know that they can’t help it and stuff. They were born this way I think. But it is money.