Bruins’ Playoff Beards ‘Played into a Gay Stereotype’ or Something

This, according to one Wesley Morris writing in Grantland.com (Bill Simmons’ big-money bomb). I mean this is the stuff that drives me absolutely insane.

Really. Who watches the Bruins and comes up with this shit? Not real men. I can guarantee you that. I’m concerned about Horton’s concussion and the power play efficiency. Meanwhile, Wesley is playing six degrees of gay fucking bikerville.

They wore the hair of work, force, and power, of Vikings and Visigoths. The beards also played into a powerful gay stereotype that wasn’t lost on anyone who knows the first thing about sexual coding, even if it hadn’t occurred to Bruins themselves.

These dudes were bears.

Stereotypically, a bear is stocky. He’s husky, rotund, or just fat. He’s into flannel and leather and younger men who he calls cubs. This dude is a bear. That is not the literal thing about the Bruins’ beards. Bears tend not to be all, “I’m a bear, yo.” The literal thing is that the Bruins literally looked like bears. The padding of the uniforms provided those extra plies of huskiness and, in Tim Thomas’ case, of squatness.

The excerpt is rather puke-worthy, no? Morris sure seems to be fantasizing about Thomas’ “huskiness” and “squatness.”Thank God Thomas didn’t have a flannel on or Wesley would have creamed right there.

But remember, this qualifies as art to the (self) important people. Probably gonna win a Pulitzer or something.

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